How can you start treating donors as partners?

​​Farra Trompeter: Welcome to the Smart Communications podcast. This is Farra Trompeter, co-director and worker-owner at Big Duck. Today we’re gonna ask the question: how can you start treating donors as partners? And this topic was brought to my attention after reading a blog on the very same idea by today’s guest on the Community-Centric Fundraising content hub. That is a great spot that we throughout Big Duck often look at for content inspiration, provoke new ideas, challenge existing ones for our team. We highly recommend it. We will link to the blog in the show notes at bigduck.com/insights in case you’ve already hopped over to the Community-Centric Fundraising website. The name of the blog that inspired today’s conversation is called Treating your donors as partners. Where to start? So that blog was written, and I am proud to be joined by Emily Bishop Runeari. Emily, who uses she/her pronouns, is a fundraising and advocacy professional with over a decade of experience in philanthropy, fundraising, and politics. Focusing on major and principle-level gifts, Emily works to secure revenue for organizations through transformative relationships with high-net-worth individuals for both charitable and political organizations. She has held leadership roles at Planned Parenthood Federation of America, Supermajority, and the International Rescue Committee. Emily, welcome to the show.

Emily Bishop Runeari: Hi. Thanks so much for having me.

Farra Trompeter: Well, I would love to first start by learning more about you and your perspective in that blog post we just spoke about, you mentioned, and I quote, “As a white woman with access to many major donors and spaces of wealth, I have a responsibility to use this access to seek change.” And I thought, as a white woman who’s trying to spark change myself, I was intrigued by that comment. And I was just wondering if you can share more about your journey experiences you’ve had, and what change you’re actually seeking to spark.

Emily Bishop Runeari: Sure, yeah. I became a fundraiser because I realized I had a set of skills that were incredibly fitting to fundraising. I was very good at building relationships with donors. I’m a good communicator, I’m personable. But honestly, as I’ve thought about it over my career, the elephant in the room was that I also had a level of comfort with navigating spaces that major donors exist in. And that is really only because of where and who I was born as in this world: as a white woman. That is not to say it was always easy: I’m also a queer woman. At every single donor meeting for many years, I was asked, “Well, who’s home with your children?” and “What does your husband do?” And all that jazz. But I’m very straight-presenting and again, I think that I was born with a privilege that allows me a little bit of comfort in the room with major donors. And as I’ve progressed in my career, I’ve realized that that it’s really important to me to use that privilege responsibly, but also to try to open the door a little bit wider so that other fundraisers can figuratively enter the room more comfortably, come to the table with that same privilege that I had. Fundraising can really be a tricky circle of those with access to power, asking those with power for money, and I wanna try to break that loop and get us into a little bit of a better place.

Farra Trompeter: Yeah, I appreciate that. And we’ve had a lot of other conversations with other folks connected to the Community-Centric Fundraising movement and beyond about really just questioning what has been “best practices”. And really thinking differently about the relationship, and certainly appreciating what donors can contribute, but also appreciating what staff contribute, what volunteers contribute, what the community contributes. So I’m really excited to get into this. Now, I know you’ve been talking to donors for decades, and I’m just curious, what are those conversations like? Are there points you tend to always make or approaches you take to shift that conversation into one that’s maybe less 100% donor-centric and one that might be more partnership-oriented and really create more of a relationship with the organization?

Emily Bishop Runeari: Yeah, I think about this a lot, honestly, and I appreciate what you said about how all the stakeholders bring something to the table, and I couldn’t agree more. I really firmly believe that those closest to the root of the problem should have one of the biggest say in how to solve the problem. And donors aren’t always closest to the root of the problem. So to answer your question about talking to donors and what I do to make it more partnership-oriented, I think there’s a lot of ways you can do this. But one thing that has helped me do this throughout my career is to always have a goal for every conversation with a donor. And that can be a really small goal. It can just be like get them to agree to a second meeting, or it could be a large solicitation. But I tend to try to keep the conversation focused on that goal, even if it might not be super obvious to the donor that I’m doing that. Someone listening to this might say, “Well, what about the chitchat? And you wanna build a relationship?” Yes, of course. I’m not saying don’t do those things. You absolutely should do those things. But by keeping your goal at the center of your mind, which would then keep it at the center of the conversation, shows the donor that you are there to talk about the work and that the work deserves to be taken seriously. And I think that it sets a tone, one of business. Not business in the money transaction way, but in like the seriousness way. And it acknowledges that we’re both here at this table to try to solve a problem. That advice can go really well in a lot of reasons with donors.

Emily Bishop Runeari: You know, Farra, I always think about power dynamics when it comes to donors and fundraisers and moving into more of like a partnership orientation versus a, you know, maybe more donor-centric orientation. And to me, this means really thinking about the power structure that society has created, that whoever has the more money is more powerful. When you let the donor drive the conversation, it immediately sets the tone that they’re in charge. And that sets up that power dynamic that we are trying to avoid and trying to break down. It doesn’t mean come in with a PowerPoint, it doesn’t mean come in with a written agenda. It just means be intentional about that. Say something at the beginning of the meeting like, “Thanks for meeting with me. Today I wanna make sure I update you on our latest data. I wanna answer all your questions, and I wanna talk about your annual support.” And it just sets the tone of like, we are here to solve this problem together as professionals. I think that’s one small little step you could take.

Farra Trompeter: That’s great. I appreciate that. When we prepared for this conversation, you mentioned that you’ve had some difficult conversations with donors and board members where you’ve stressed the importance of putting the mission first. Just like you were just speaking about, you may have a goal going to a conversation to raise money for X, but that X always comes back to the mission and the work. And I’m curious, have you ever had a conversation with someone who just didn’t get the importance and you had to reject their support, they were making a demand that just didn’t make sense, or was really, as we sometimes say, not kosher given what you were trying to do?

Emily Bishop Runeari: Good question. I don’t think it’s as black and white as, “Oh, you don’t get it and therefore I’m rejecting your support”. As fundraisers, we would love it if someone just mailed in a check for $1 million and then we had to say, “Oh, who’s this person?” But rarely does that happen. So you know, normally you’re cultivating a relationship with a donor and you’re asking questions about why are they interested in your organization,? What speaks to them the most? How does their philanthropy speak to their values? And having those kind of conversations with your donors as you’re doing your cultivation before you even make an ask, is going to set you up to show you what this donor does value. And that kind of information is gonna give you what you need to know. Okay, do I need to stop the progress that we’re making towards a solicitation here? It’s not always easy, but if you can really be open to asking some of those questions at the front end, it can be really helpful.

Emily Bishop Runeari: More specifically, I think this shows up a lot when a donor might have a preference to fund a certain program or give a restricted gift to a certain thing. And you know that that’s not necessarily what your organization needs or what’s gonna best serve your clients or help you meet your mission. And this is where I think it’s really the fundraiser’s responsibility to guide them either towards something else or unrestricted funding and really explain why that’s important. And then be able to pivot and encourage them if they only wanna give restricted funding to be able to say, that’s not what we need right now. And that’s okay. It’s okay if that’s what they want. And we are not doing that. And it’s okay to have that conversation and realize what’s gonna both meet your needs simultaneously.

Farra Trompeter: I appreciate that. Now, I know that there are times that you’re obviously educating those donors in one-on-one settings in those conversations leading up to maybe an ask or as you’re getting to know them. But then there are times that I believe you’ve engaged with groups of donors when you’re in front of many donors at once. And I’m curious for folks who may be have that opportunity to get in front of either prospects or existing donors, what are some ways that you’ve educated groups of donors when you’ve had a chance, whether they’re existing or potential?

Emily Bishop Runeari: Every organization really has different pathways to educate their donors. So it’s hard to say, you know, this is one thing that worked really well. I think really highlighting the work, showing the mission at the center of all of the work, having conversations, asking those hard questions are all ways that you can work towards educating your donors. And I also think connecting what we do to the wider global picture is really important too. And this is not necessarily in terms of a group of donors, but it does kind of go to educating the donor and your role as a fundraiser. Traditional philanthropy tended to be very transactional. You know, “I give to this food bank because it’s in my community, because my neighbor does whatever, X, Y, Z reason.” When I try to talk to a donor, I try to educate them, and many donors already do this themselves, so let me make that clear. But I try to really make that connection between the philanthropy that they’re doing and how that connects to the global wider picture. So what I mean by that is maybe you have that food bank donor, but as you’re talking to them about their annual gift, instead of just saying, “Well, your gift can serve this many people this year,” you say, ‘Oh, did you see this article about the farm bill that’s up in Congress? And how does that relate to food insecurity in our neighborhood? And SNAP benefits come through the Farm Bill.” And making those connections, I think, is a really good way to educate your donors.

Farra Trompeter: That’s great. And I’ve also seen some groups, they’ll do briefings or webinars. They do Live on Instagram or Facebook. I know one group was doing, like, a book-of-the-month club and reading conversations and discussion on related topics. So I appreciate those ideas you shared as well. Now, in the spirit of continuing to get a little more tactical, in your post, you shared four ideas that folks can do no matter the size, age, or type of organization. And again, we are gonna link to your blog post, I hope people read it in its entirety. And in that spirit, maybe you can share one of those ideas or maybe perhaps an extra one that comes to mind that nonprofit staff can use to equalize their relationship with donors.

Emily Bishop Runeari: Yes, I absolutely can. And I know exactly which one to share because I feel so passionately about this. The way you email. So anybody that I’ve managed, and I’ve managed a ton of fundraisers in my career, and they would all, if anyone’s listening, they’re probably nod their head, but I always say, “You are not writing to the Queen.” And what I mean by this is that it is uncomfortable. You think of these high-net-worth individuals, and they do have a lot of power, or seemingly have a lot of power. And sometimes the natural inclination is to be extremely differential. And I really encourage not to do that. Of course, you should be respectful, but you can be confident in the way that you email. You can hold your own ground in the way that you email. And what I mean more specifically by this is I see a lot of fundraisers start to email and they say things like, “Oh wow, if I could have five minutes of your time, I would be so extraordinarily grateful, and I know you’re so busy” and shifting from that to, “Hi, I’d like to speak to you about this. Do you have time?” It just really changes the power dynamic right off the bat in an email. And just be normal, be professional, be concise. And I think this actually really does make a big shift to start changing that power balance a little bit.

Farra Trompeter: Yeah, I appreciate that. So write your donor like you’re writing anyone else.

Emily Bishop Runeari: Yeah. I mean professionally, of course. Respectfully, of course. But you are not bowing down to them. And catch yourself there. You know, read your emails and talk to your co-fundraisers about it.

Farra Trompeter: Yeah, maybe that’s an even interesting exercise. Ask your staff and yourself to look at some recent emails you’ve sent to donors and read them with that critical edge and say like, “Are we treating our donors like partners?” or are we treating them like, “Thank God they’re here for us”? And how do we find that fine line where we’re appreciating them? But again, we’re keeping that power in balance and we’re thinking about that partnership.

Emily Bishop Runeari: Exactly.

Farra Trompeter: Well, Emily, thank you. It’s really been a joy to speak with you. And again, I appreciate your blog post and I hope folks go out there and read it. And if you would like to connect with Emily beyond today’s conversation, you can find her on LinkedIn, we will be sure to link to her profile. You can also find her on Instagram at emmebish, which is a kind of version of her last name here. And Emily, before we go, any last words of wisdom or tips you wanna share before we sign off?

Emily Bishop Runeari: What I always try to remind myself when the big picture gets a little too overwhelming: Philanthropy is tricky. It’s been around for centuries, really. It’s been rooted in patriarchy, white supremacy, capitalism. We can’t erase all that with one donor meeting or even maybe our lifetimes, who knows. But all we can do is really focus on the next right thing. And that’s why I try to think about these small things, whether it’s the way you email or how you have a meeting as the next right thing to try to break down some of these really ingrained societal things that we just want to move forward.

Farra Trompeter: Yeah, the power of the small. Appreciate that. Well, Emily, thanks so much for being here with us.

Emily Bishop Runeari: Thank you. It was really great to speak with you.

Farra Trompeter: Wonderful. Well, everyone go out there, take a look at your communications and think about how you can bring that partnership mindset when you’re talking to donors. Take care everyone.